I'm FINE!
by An-Jelly-Ca
Summary: Sirius is perfectly fine.So he can't stop coughing.Remus has no idea what he's talking about.James is fine as long as Sirius is okay for Quidditch.And Lily she'll get over it.Eventually.AndI'm sure they'll remember to get the Slytherins down at some point
1. I'b Pebicaly Fibe!

**A/N Read. Review. Good. Okay so Sirius is a beater on the Quidditch team for this.**

**  
Disclaimer: c'è stato un malinteso. **

"Ac-choo!"

"Admit it, Sirius you're sick." Remus said turning the page in his book.

"Ab nob sib I'b pebpicly fibe"

"What'd he say?" Remus asked James.

"I think he said something like 'Am not sick. I'm perfectly fine.' at least I think."

"Sirius, just admit you're sick, go to Pomfrey, and get a potion."

"Nobe, I'b nob sib so I dob't neeb a potion." (Nope I'm not sick, so I don't need a potion)

"Then why do you sound like something crawled up your nose and died?" James asked.

"I dob't I soub jub fibe!" (I don't I sound just fine.) Sirius said right before he burst into a fit of coughing.

"You should go see Pomfrey." Remus said trying to feel Sirius's forehead but he lurched backward.

"Nobe." (Nope.)

"James tell you idiot friend to go to the hospital wing.

"He's your idiot friend too."

"Jabsie, Rebus dob't kbow wab he talbing about!" (Jamsie Remus don't know what he's talking about."

"Apparently, you don't know what your talking about, Remus."

"James you do realize that if you allow him to not go to t he hospital wing, and he gets sicker, then he won't be able to play in the match against Slytherin, right?"

"You're going."

"But Jabsie, I'b fibe. Really. Ab if yob make me go tob the hobistal, Pomfrey wilb freak oub and nob let me play on Saburday." (But, Jamsie, I'm fine. Really. And if you make me go to the hospital, Pomfrey will freak out and not let me play on Saturday.)

"I'm with Sirius on this one." James decided.

"Idiots." Remus remarked.

"Seeb Rebus, I knob Jabsie woulb sibe with be." (See Remus, I knew Jamsie would side with me.)

"Whatever, let's go we have potions."

"Noooooooooobbbbbbbbbbe!" (Nope)

"Again I'm with Sirius on this one."

"And again it doesn't matter, because you're still going to potions."

"You're no fun, Remmie."

"That's what I'm here for." Remus said dryly as they left the common room and headed down to the dungeon for potions with Slughorn.

"Today were going to pair up by last name." Slughorn announced as everyone groaned. Sirius ended up being paired with Lily, and James was with Remus.

"All right , Black, just try not to screw it up okay?"

"Yub."

"Are you okay?"

"Why wab hab yob hearb? Nobthing is wrong with be! I'b perbicly fibe!" Sirius shrieked.

(Why what have you heard? Nothing is wrong with me! I'm perfectly fine!)

"Okay, then." Lily said looking at Sirius as though he were nuts.

"I thobt so." (I thought so.)

"Sirius! Stop scaring my woman!" James exclaimed.

"I'm not 'your woman' Potter, and if I ever, ever, ever, catch you saying that again it will be the last thing you ever say."

"Aww, I knew you loved me, Evans."

"_Right._"

"She said RIGHT!"

"It's called sarcasm, Potter."

"She still said it!"

"Sirius! What did you do to the potion?!"

"Nobthing." (nothing)

"Why's it turning black then???" Lily said in a panicked voice.

"Ub…becaube I sneebed ib it." (Um because I sneezed in it.)

"We're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail, we're going to fail."

"Cheer up Liby Ib'e faibled loabs of tibes!" (Cheer up Lily I've failed loads of times."

"That is not comforting! Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Evans?" Slughorn said smiling at his favorite pupil.

"Black sneezed in our potion and it turned black! Can we have time to redo it?"

"Sure, sure, Miss Evans, you can come during your free period."

"Thanks so much, Professor!"

"JAMES! You melted the cauldron! Of all the incompetent…" Remus screamed hysterically.

"Chill, Remmie, it's just a grade."

"JAMES do not call an F just a grade! Because that is what we are going to get an F!"

"Uh…"

"Professor? Could James and I come in and redo the potion as well? Thanks to his staggering incompetence the potion is botched." Remus said knowing that since Slughorn disliked James insulting him could get them extra time.

"I suppose so."

"Thanks, Professor!"

**End of lunch that day…**

"Let's go, Black, we have a potion to redo, this time don't touch it." Lily said poking Sirius's arm. Sirius blinked blearily at her and then seemed to register what she said and nodded.

"Obay." (okay) Sirius said following her out of the Great Hall with James and Remus a few steps behind them bickering over whether it was James fault the cauldron had melted. (he had only added acidic herbs to it)

"All right, I'll be back at the end of the period, make your potions bottle them, and then leave."

"Pass me the mandrake." Lily ordered while Remus threatened James with bodily harm if he dared to touch their potion. Lily and Remus had finally decided to just order James and Sirius to the other side of the room after they had tried to add 'sparkles' to the potion. Sirius and James were currently sitting on a table a few feet away from Lily and Remus.

"I can't wait to beat Slytherin this weekend! It's going to be the highlight of the week. I've scheduled practice for tonight, and tomorrow, and Thursday, and Friday and also I got us an early practice Saturday morning right before the match."

"Ob joib" (Oh joy)

"Are you sure your okay?" James asked narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Yub." (Yup)

"You wouldn't be lying to me to avoid the 'scary tyrant' would you?"

"Nube" (nope)

"Good."

"Hiblo, Liby, howbs the pobton gobing?"

"Good. Now back away. Seriously, back away, ten feet, Sirius what are you doing? Sirius???" Lily exclaimed when Sirius picked up a bottle of a gold potion.

"ooo."

"Sirius! Put down the potion, back away from the cauldron."

"I wober whab this woulb do." (I wonder what this would do) Sirius said dumping the bottle into the cauldron. The effect was instantaneous the potion turned a molten silver and a plume of violet smoke floated up.

"Back away." Lily commanded everyone. Remus pulled James, who was staring at the cloud curiously, down under the desk.

"Sirius, get down." Remus hissed.

"Bub, it's so shiby." (But it's so shiny)

"I don't care."

"Shiby." (Shiny)

"Sirius!"

"OOO, Shiby!" (ooo shiny) Sirius exclaimed as the smoke spread out cloaking the classroom in a fog, silver sparks shot out from the fog every so often.

"For, Merlin's sake, get down, Black!" Lily said reaching up grabbing Sirius's arm and pulling him down.

"Hey!"

"Get over it." Lily said as a larger spark hit the ground right where Sirius had been standing.

"Professor Slughorn is going to kill us." Remus said panicked.

"We're going to fail!' Lily added. James and Sirius exchanged a look that clearly said 'So…?' The potion had changed from the molten silver to a sparkly magenta.

"Ooo."

"Don't. Even. Think. About. Touching. It." Remus commanded.

"Bub, shiby!" (but, shiny)

"I. Don't. Care." The pink potion was melting through the potion and leaking onto the floor.

"We've got to get out of here." Lily exclaimed. "And when we do, Black, is never allowed near another potion again." The potion was inching closer to them, Remus and Lily quickly climbed up onto the desk.

"James, get up here!" Lily ordered.

"I didn't no you cared Evans."

"Now."

"Bossy, aren't we.

"Potter!" Lily shrieked just as the potion reached James and Sirius as soon as the potion touched them they were surrounded in fog. When the fog finally cleared Lily could not hold back giggles. Sirius and James were dangling upside down from the ceiling their feet appeared to be glued to the ceiling.

"Geb be dowb!" (Get me down)

"What he said!"

**A/N More to come! Review! Was originally going to be a one-shot but oh well! Review!**


	2. Solving the Problem?

**A/N All rights peoples I'm updating. Woo and Hoo. Lool. Anyways just read and review! Coppice? I learned a new phrase today! My Poppie taught it to me. Doce Fecha Duoy. I'm not sure if I spelled it right though I think I did I just no what it means and how to spell it. lol.**

**Thank You to All Reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own. Like whoa. Also no Peter in this story cuz I hate his guts. Omgz peoples I have this song stuck in my head. Cuz my friend wouldn't stop singing it! Right Mar-Gar? Oh and guess what Mar-Gar I think I fixed my ipod! It's charging! Woo and Hoo!**

"Get Slughorn!" James demanded his face red from the blood that was rushing downward into his head.

"No, we aren't getting anyone!" Lily exclaimed.

"Whab are youb talbing aboub web gebbing Slubhorb! I'b nob stabing ub hebe!" (What are you talking about? We're getting Slughorn! I'm not staying up here!")

"If Slughorn sees this mess we'll fail!"

"What if the chemicals have negative effects? Sirius and I could die!" James exclaimed.

"You two should have thought of that and gotten onto the desk when Remus and I told you to!"

"She's right. I'm not failing. We'll seal the door; Sirius can transfigure a rock in front of it like last time and then we'll try and clean up this spill, and then we'll make a new potion and erm get you two off the ceiling."

"howb rube youb jub gobing to leabe us tob dib!" (How rude you're just going to leave us to die!)

"What's he say?" Lily asked.

"How rude you're just going to leave us here to die!" James translated.

"He should really get that cold checked out he could catch the flu if he doesn't take care of it now."

"I'b fibe! Dob't liben to herbe Jabsie! She'b liebs! Libes!"

"What…?"

"I'm fine! Don't listen to her Jamsie! She lies! Lies!" James answered.

"Mmmhmm. He just wants you to think he's fine so you won't make him go see Pomfrey." Lily answered

"Libs! Ebil! Libe Rebus! Debusobisonbal! Sheb dobt knowb whab she sabs!"

"Okay that wasn't even anything that resembles the English language." Remus stated.

"Lies! Evil! Like Remus! Delusional! She doesn't know what she says! That's what he said."

"Let's focus on the task at hand people!" Lily commanded.

"Getting us down?" James asked hopefully.

"Nope. Sealing the door. Sirius, transfigure this pen into a rock I'm going to throw it in front of the door because I am not ending up on the ceiling like you two."

"Youb exbect be to trabsdfibure upsibe dowb?"

"Translation?" Lily asked looking up at James.

"You expect me to transfigure upside down?"

"Yes. Now do it."

"Whb dob't youb?!"

"Why don't you?"

"Because I said so now do it."

"Fibe." Sirius said excepting his wand which had fallen out of his pocket from Remus and muttering a spell however no one accounted for the fact that Sirius with his cold was pronouncing everything wrong, and in typical Sirius fashion disaster resulted from his actions. The door sealed all right, but instead of having a rock in front of it the door had disappeared completely gone. Which presented an interesting problem of how were they going to get out of there. Sirius couldn't change a wall attached to a classroom into something else.

"Okay. Well we'll have to fix that. Later. Now how to clean up this room so we can make our potions. And, Remus we are not letting those two idiots down until we have finished corked perfect potions."

"Agreed."

"Hey!"

"Heb!"  
"Okay now do you think Scorfigy would work?"

"We could try it." Remus answered trying the spell, but the only effect was that the potion got thicker. "Okay so that's not the answer." Lily pointed a shaking hand at the potion which was starting to rise it was now a foot off the ground at the rate it was going they would soon be able to swim in it. "Uhoh. Okay how about Evansco?" Remus asked. Lily tried it. The results were disastrous, thick purple bubbles started rising from the pool of potion.

"We are so dead." Remus commented.

"Yes, yes we are." Lily answered.

"We need a containment unit, but it would have to be one, they keep those dangerous animals that people are always breeding illegally to contain this disaster." Remus decided.

"Well, we obviously can't ask Black to transfigure us one." Lily added.

"You're the best in our grade in potions, Evans, can't you figure out like a herb or something to add to this and make it go away."

"I don't know what Black put in it so it's kind of heard to attempt to fix something you don't know. Adding random herbs would only make it worse."

"All right. Well then, just go get Slughorn."

"No."

"Yeah, no way." Remus echoed.

"You're going to let us die in here."

"Yes. Besides we can't get out of here anyways Black made sure of that."

"Youb abked be tob!" (You asked me to.)

"I did not ask you to eliminate the door!"

"Welb I'b libe to ebeed exbecatabions!" (Well I like to exceed expectations.)

"Whatever. All right umm maybe we could encase the liquid in a cast of Jello." Lily said thoughtfully.

"How exactly are we going to get Jello?" Remus asked practically.

"I hab sobe!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Why do you have Jello?" Remus asked.

"Youb dob't wabt to knob."

"I probably don't. Give it me." Remus said reaching his hand up and taking the Jello from his friend. Now we can just mix it with water using our wands and James and my cauldron which surprisingly has not melted yet."

"All right. Just empty it out." Lily said as Remus used a spell to make the contents disappear. Lily then aimed her wand at the cauldron and filled it with water and then cast a spell on the Jello to multiply the contents of the box of Jello, before pouring it into the cauldron which had come to a boil. After the Jello had cooked Remus put a spell on it to cool it so the contents would gel. After the contents were jelled Remus levitated it toward the center of the potion spill and used Engorgio to make the Jello even bigger until it could cover the whole spill and then lowered it over the spill. He then cast the chilling spill on the Jello again so it would gel over the potion. After it appeared gelled Lily tentatively jabbed it with her wand. When it didn't explode she used the now empty cauldron to start scooping up the potion, however it still wouldn't vanish. "Great, we need to find some more containers." Lily murmured to Remus. Remus nodded and stood up walking from desk to desk to the front of the room. He came back with several cauldrons he had found near the front of the room. Lily quickly filled them as well.

"What are we going to do?" Remus asked.

"Um…we need to get rid of this stuff. Where can we put it?"

"Hmm…" James said thoughtfully.

"Meber wab McGobal sab? Sheb sab ib oyub cab't vanish sobthinb youb cab sab it sobwhere else smalb abouts." (Remember what McGonagall said? She said if you can't vanish something you can send it somewhere else in small amounts.)

"I'm telling her you listened to her!" James exclaimed tauntingly.

"Youb arb nob!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Watch me!"

"I'b gobing to kilb youb! (I'm going to kill you!")

"I'm so scared."

"Youb shoulb be!" Sirius said swinging so he crashed into James however this much to James's amusement caused Sirius to break out into a coughing fit.

"Nob fubby!"

"Yes it is!"

"Nob ib nob!"

"Stop fighting. Where are we going to send it?"

"Tob the Slberins."

"To the Siberians?" Lily asked.

"To the Slytherins, he said and I agree." James said waving his wand at a cauldron sending the contents into the Slytherin common room and then before anyone could stop him doing the same with three more. Sirius followed suit with the last three. Remus shrugged its not like they had anywhere else to put the stuff and started refilling the cauldrons as Lily while looking as though she wanted to lecture them for inappropriate behavior remained silent. Once the cauldrons had been filled again Sirius, James and Lily vanished the contents to the Slytherin's rooms. They filled and vanished the potions three more times before it was gone and with it went the bubbles and the swirling mist.

"All right, now to make the potions." Lily stated her and Remus each took a cauldron and set about gathering more ingredients as they had lost their old ones in the ensuing disaster.

"Leb us dowb nowb!" Sirius exclaimed/ (Let us down now!"

"No. Not till we finish the potion." Lily answered her and Remus finished the potion in thirty minutes and were letting it simmer. Slughorn still hadn't come back they guessed he assumed that they could let themselves out. What they didn't know however was that when the spell had been cast on the wall it had held with it a Forget-Me charm which, caused anyone who came within fifteen feet of Slughorn's classroom to head in the opposite direction remembering something they needed to do.

**A/N Review, peoples! I love reviews they make me update! So review!**


	3. Slytherins are Found haha

**A/N Helllllllllllooooooooooooo people! Lookie I'm updating! Woo and Hoo.**

**Disclaimer: LIKE WHOA MY GOD I DO NOT LIKE OWN LIKE HARRY LIKE POTTER LIKE WHOA! **

**Also guess what people Monday is St. Joseph's Day! Wear red! **

**Thank You To All Reviewers!**

"Okay, it's finished and corked, now we just have to get these two geniuses down."

"Yeb! Geb Ub dowb!" (Yep, get us down!) "I thib I'b gobba sneebe." (I think I'm going to sneeze." Sirius said right before he broke into a sneezing fit. He sneezed a grand totally of twenty-five times before managing to stop.

"How should we do this?" Remus wondered.

"We could try a severing charm." Lily said.

"Yeah right you'll probably sever our feet off!" James exclaimed.

"It probably wouldn't work anyways." Remus mused. "They could try just taking their shoes off and hope that A. the spell is just attached to their shoes and B. They don't crack their skulls open after taking off their shoes." He added.

"Sounds good to me." Lily nodded.

"Doesn't sound good to me!"

"YEB! I'b wib Jabsie." (YEP! I'm with Jamsie.)

"Too bad, just do it and we'll see what happens, besides Lily and I should be able to er levitate you two away from the er floor before you uh crack your heads."

"I am not comfortable with that kind of risk being inflicted on me or another member of the Qudditch team this close to a match." James muttered.

"Scared?" Lily asked mocking.

"No." James said scathingly.

"Good, then take off your shoes and we'll get this over with." Lily replied. Their was an audible gulp heard by James and Sirius as the struggled to flip themselves up and untie their shoes. Sirius was having a rougher time of it then James, finding it hard to breathe when he moved around that much.

"Are you okay, Siri?" Remus asked eyeing his friend suspiciously.

"I'b –wheeze- fibe, -wheeze- Rebus." (I'm fine, Remus.) As Sirius said this James managed to free himself and yelped as he headed quickly for the ground however just as he was about to crash headfirst into the tile he was yanked up by and invisible force, apparently this potion had effects even after leaving the room. Lily struggled to hold in laughter as the invisible force yanked James around the room up to the ceiling and then to the floor, even releasing him a few times allowing him to almost crash to the ground again before pulling him back up. A yelp could be heard from Sirius when his shoes came loose, however rather then yanking him spastically around the room as it was doing with James the force chose to spin Sirius in fast circles over and over until he was a greenish looking blur. "I thib I'b gobba be sib!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus and Lily immediately took several big steps back. "Mabe ib stob!"

**Meanwhile as the Slytherins head to the common room…**

"Have you noticed that Black, Potter, Lupin, and Evans are missing?" Lucius asked Snape. "I wonder if Christmas has decided to come early and they've killed each other."

"If we could only be so lucky." Snape sneered as the other Slytherins nodded their agreement.

"Power to Purebloods." Lucius said the password yelping when he entered the common room followed by the rest of the Slytherins and slid in a slimy substance yelping when he found himself hanging upside down on the ceiling. "Black and Potter did this!" He exclaimed. "We'll get them for this." Lucius said his gray eyes narrowing.

In the Great Hall…

"Did you hear screaming?" McGonagall asked.

"It's quite possible." Dumbledore said nodding his head and turning back to Professor Sprout.

"Allow me to elaborate, Headmaster."

"Of course, Minerva."

"Shouldn't we go check on the _cause_ of the screaming?"

"That would be wise." Dumbledore nodded. "It came from the Slytherins." He added.

"Not Black and Potter again!" McGonagall exclaimed rushing out of the hall with Slughorn hurrying after her. Dumbledore smiled and blue eyes twinkling said good-bye to Professor Sprout and followed after the two house heads. He caught up to them just outside of the Slytherin's common room. Slughorn said the password and the professors (other then Dumbledore who was smiling as though he was privy to knowledge they weren't.) Both professors peered cautiously into the common room it appeared empty however McGonagall sensed a movement above her head and looked upward to see the whole of Slytherin house firmly glued to the ceiling.

"Get us down!" Malfoy shouted at her.

"Hush, Malfoy." McGonagall murmured. "What is the meaning of this?" She demanded without entering the room knowing that whatever had caused them to be glued to the ceiling could be coating the floors of the room.

"It appears these students have gotten themselves into a bit of a pickle." Dumbledore said nodding to himself.

"Someone find me Potter and Black." McGonagall ordered two passing prefects who hurried to comply. "I can't believe the nerve of those two!"

"Minerva, you don't even know they did it yet."

"Who else would think to GLUE the Slytherins to the ceiling of their OWN common room?!"

"Hmm, yes. It does have that certain spark that you only see with…"

"Headmaster! Don't encourage their antics!"

"My dear, Professor, how boring would Hogwarts be without them?"

"We cannot simply allow them to go gallivanting around the school. Who last saw them?"

"They were in my room fixing a potion they destroyed." Slughorn answered.

"Did they ever leave your room?"

"I don't know; I assumed they would let themselves out, they did have Evans and Lupin with them after all."

"We'll have to go check your classroom for them." Minerva said leading the way down the hallway.

"Hello? GET US DOWN!" Malfoy shouted. "My Father will hear about this!" They ignored him and headed toward Slughorn's rooms however just as they reached the corridor they all remembered various things they _had _to attend to, none of them including getting the Slytherins down.

**A/N Review, please! They make me smile! And smiles make updates! YAY! Happy St. Joseph's Day to those of you who celebrate it!**


	4. Breakthroughs!

**A/N Thanks to all the people who reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!! **

"We're missing Qudditch practice!" James exclaimed hysterically.

"Your point is?" Lily asked sounding bored.

"My point is I'm Captain of the Gryffindor Qudditch team and I should be at practice, making sure my team practices!"

"I'm sure they'll practice whether you're there or not." Remus lied.

"Really?"

"No. they're probably sitting in the common rooms drinking butter beer and exclaiming over their good fortune that you aren't there to be your usual tyrannical self." He answered.

"…Thanks for the support, Remmie."

"Glad I could be of service."

"That was sarcasm."

"I know."

"Abywab Jabsie, ib's nob libe the Slyberins cab prabice abywab, they'b abe glubed tob the cebiling, aber alb." (anyway Jamsie, it's not like the Slytherins can practice anyway they are glued to the ceiling, after all.) Sirius said laughing and then promptly breaking into a coughing fit.

"You should really get that checked out. Once we get out of here."

"Stob trybing to spreab youb libes!" (stop trying to spread your lies.)

"I do not lie." Lily said. "You're the one who's lying." She added as an afterthought.

"Okay, neither of you talk to each other." Remus said glad that at least for now whatever the force was had stopped tormenting James and Sirius and had left them upside down on the ceiling.

"How are we going to get out of here?" James asked. "Because I really need to get to Qudditch practice. If we're going to miss today's then I can always add another during lunch tomorrow. Besides the morning and night ones I already have scheduled." He finished.

"Nob!" (No!)

"What was that Sirius?" James asked.

"Nobthinb." (Nothing.) Sirius said innocently.

"I thought so. By the way could one of you two who are just sitting there doing ABSOLUETLY nothing try to get us down?!" James exclaimed.

"We could." Remus answered.

"But we won't." Lily added.

"That's real nice, Remus." James said sticking his tongue out at his friend.

"Yes, yes it is."

"Besides we already tried getting you down it didn't work, remember?" Lily asked. "Although, I think I might know an analysis potion I can make. And then I can put some of the goo in it and it will tell me what the ingredients are and I could possibly get you down." Lily added thoughtfully.

"…"

"Ab youb jub thibing ub thib nob?!" (And your just thinking of this now?!) Sirius exclaimed.

"I could just leave you up there." Lily said.

"Neber mib theb. Cobinueb."

"What?"

"He said never mind then, continue." James answered.

"All right I'm going to need some mandrake roots, fluxweed, boomslang skin, pomegranate juice, and salamander eggs." Lily said listing out all the ingredients she would need. She then got down off the desk she was sitting on and went with Remus to find the ingredients. Thankfully Slughorn actually had everything. Lily rinsed out one of the cauldrons and filled it with water from the tip of her wand; she then lit a fire under the cauldron and waited for the water to boil.

"Is this going to work?" James asked eyeing the cauldron apprehensively.

"Maybe." Lily said absently as she added the fluxweed and stirred three times counterclockwise. "Can you pass me the pomegranate juice?" Lily asked Remus

"Sure." Remus said passing her the juice. Lily poured in a pint of the juice and stirred three times clockwise. The potion turned from a greenish color to deep red.

"Thanks." She added before picking up the jar of salamander eggs and adding in ten of them. The potion changed to a purple color. Lily nodded at the result and picked up the boomslang skin up and added five ounces before stirring five times counterclockwise. The potion changed to clear blue. Finally, Lily picked up the mandrake and added in three of the roots. She stirred the potion seven times clockwise and the potion turned orange briefly before becoming completely clear as though water were the only thing in the potion. "Now we let it simmer for fifteen point three minutes." Lily said looking up to see all three boys staring at her in awe. She shook her hair out of her eyes and sat on top of the desk next to the cauldron.

"Think she'd help us make potions for our pranks?" James asked Remus.

"No."

"Honestly, Potter, do you really need to ask him that?"

"No, but it's more fun if I do." James answered cheekily. Lily rolled her eyes at him half-heartedly out of habit. After being locked in the classroom with him for the last few hours he wasn't nearly as annoying as she thought. Although she still thought he was annoying, but now he was tolerable at least. Lily glanced at her watch and seeing that it was time to take the potion off the flames extinguished the small fire.

"Okay, now I need a vile of the potion that caused this." Lily said. Remus handed her a small vile which contained the potion. Which he had thought to bottle right after Sirius and James got stuck to the ceiling. "Thanks." Lily responded taking the vile from Remus and dropping precisely half of the vile into the potion. The potion changed from clear to a molten silver as a single solid looking strand rose from the potion and started to right in neat cursive script a list of ingredients and the manner in which they were added. Lily read through the list and burst out laughing when she realized what Sirius had turned the potion into.

**A/N I know, I'm evil. Review, and I'll update. I'm on spring break so I have time! **


	5. It DOES What Now?

**A/N Sorry for the wait, everybody! But if it makes you feel better several of my stories went even longer without an update.**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own so please don't sue:0)**

"What's so funny?" James asked looking scared of anything that Lily found funny.

"Er, well, Sirius, here, has made a permanent sticking potion." Lily said allowing them to take that in.

"But that's not all is it?" Remus asked looking afraid to know the answer.

"Well, no. It appears that yet again Sirius didn't do anything half way, the potion now retains a quality which well forces the person who receives the potion to have a complete change in personality, but the good news is that the sticking charm is counter active so when the personality change occurs you two will be released. And that should be in about an hour." Lily explained.

"Ab ib thib chabe perbabebt?" Sirius exclaimed.

"And is this change permanent?" James responded in a bored tone before either Lily or Remus could ask what Sirius had said.

"Er, I don't _think _so, from my calculations, depending on the dosage you receive it could last anywhere from an hour to more then a month."

"And how long do you think the dosage they received would cause?" Remus asked.

"Er, well, I'm not sure, but I'm thinking between one to seven days." Lily responded. "Approximately, anyway."

"And you can't…oh…I don't know…stop it…?" James asked his voice bordering on hysteria.

"Uh, Actually I don't think I can." Lily answered.

"WAB?" (What) Sirius exclaimed sounding panicked.

"On the bright side the Slytherins will be acting completely different for a very long time, we sent them a room full. According to my calculations it could be anywhere from three weeks to two months before they act normal again." Lily said.

"Malfoy is going to love muggles!" James exclaimed gleefully.

"Ab Snibellus wilb habe pobtons ab lub Dubledore!" (And Snivellus will hate potions and love Dumbledore!)

"And best of all they'll hate themselves!" James said excitedly.

"Yes, but you two are forgetting that it's going to work on you as well." Remus said bringing down the mood.

"Well, yeah, but seeing as how we're trapped in here anyway it won't matter because no one will know."

"Oh, I plan to tell people." Lily said smirking at James.

"You would do that to me Lilykins?"

"Yes." Lily said bluntly.

"I belbeve heb Probise." (I believe her Prongsie.)

"Yes, and that is what scares me."

"I know especially since he was saying every thing Lily says is a lie." Remus said.

"Ib's trub!" (It's true)

"Then why did you say you believe her?" Remus asked looking horrified with himself for starting a discussion like this with Sirius.

"I dib't." (I didn't)

"You did."

"Dib't." (Didn't)

"Sirius you said and I quote 'I believe her Prongsie'."

"Dib't."

"Yes you did."

"Dib't"

"Sirius we all heard it, right James?"

"Nope, never heard it, mate." James said cheerfully.

"Lily?"

"He said it." She confirmed.

"Yeb bub evebythib Liby sabs ib a lib." (Yes but everything Lily says is a lie.)

"Argh!!!!!

"Remus, it is not cool to say Argh, and clearly you were wrong." James said.

"I was not!" Remus said.

"Yob webe! I thib I knob wab I sab!" (You were! I think I know what I said!)

"The sad thing is, Padfoot, that I really don't think you know ten percent of what you say ninety percent of the time."

"Youb cobidenbe oberwelbs be." (Your confidence overwhelms me.) "I'b ribt!" (I'm right) Sirius added as an afterthought.

"Are not."

"Ab tob." (Am to.)

"Are not."

"Ab tob."

"Stop arguing." Lily interrupted.

"Dob't wabba." (Don't wanna) Sirius said petulantly.

**A/N Hee. I know it was short, but review! And then I shall update and you can see me torment Slytheirns. (grins evilly) And wait until you see what I do to James and Sirius. (laughs manically) Poor Lily and Remus. (Boohoohahahahaha) Be afraid, be very afraid. And Review!**


	6. There is No Way

**A/N We had our AP test today…it was easier then the regular chapter tests…right, Mar-Gar? We panicked for months…all for nothing…lol**

**Sorry about the wait...**

**Thank You To All Reviewers!!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! **

"Headmaster?" McGonagall asked waiting with increasingly diminished levels of patience for the man to respond. He was sucking on a lemon drop and had instructed her to wait until he finished. Dumbledore watched her eyes twinkling as she struggled to remain calm. Finally he turned toward her.

"Yes, Minerva?" He asked calmly.

"Are you aware that Potter, Black, Evans, and Lupin have been missing for hours?" McGonagall questioned.

"Yes." Dumbledore answered. McGonagall stared at him waiting for him to elaborate. She continued only when she realized that he wasn't planning to continue.

"Shouldn't we attempt to locate them?"

"Yes." Dumbledore answered making no move to get up.

"…" McGonagall stared at the headmaster mouth agape wondering if he was purposely trying to aggravate her. "..now…?"

"Oh, yes, of course, Minerva, why didn't you say so?" Dumbledore said glancing at her over his half moon spectacles. McGonagall held in a sigh of frustration. Was he serious? Which made her think of Black, had Black been here and not doing whatever he was doing he would have said something like 'No, of course he's not, Minnie, I'm Sirius.' Potter and Black were always calling her Minnie and undermining her authority. But she couldn't bring herself to get too mad at them. McGonagall followed Dumbledore out of his office and toward the staff room where the rest of the teachers were waiting.

"Oh, good, you got him." Slughorn said looking relieved. The teachers turned toward Dumbledore and waited for him to speak.

"…Headmaster…" McGonagall asked when he simply watched them calmly.

"Yes, Minerva?"

"…How do you want us to proceed…?"

"Oh, yes, of course, split up and search the castle." Dumbledore said leaning back in his chair slightly and as he sucked on another lemon drop. When it was clear he wasn't going to say anything else the teachers left the room.

**Lily n James n Sirius n Remus…**

"What's he doing?" Remus asked cocking his head to the side as he observed Sirius. The charm had undone itself ten minutes ago. Sirius had fallen silent at the same time, and now he could be observed pacing back and forth in the center aisles he would pace to the end of the room and then pivot on his right foot and walk the other way and then pivot and turn the next back toward the end of the room again. He was carrying a clipboard that he had transfigured a pencil into. Occasionally he would pause in his pacing to make a notation. Remus was watching this scene puzzled. Sirius did not pace, he felt that only 'boring people who have nothing better to do waste their time pacing.' His primary example of this was Remus. Remus was insulted by this, but he didn't bother arguing with Sirius. Arguing with Sirius only caused migraines. Most people had long since given up on what they dubbed as a fruitless endeavor.

He turned his attention from Sirius toward James who had disappeared into Slughorn's supply closet he emerged with a hodgepodge of potions ingredients. "What's he doing?" Remus asked Lily who was watching the pair in fascination as though they were part of an experiment she was conducting. Although they essentially were, she just hadn't been responsible for it. Sirius had brought this on them, well not that James really made an effort to get out of the way when Lily told him too.

"Based off the ingredients, I think he's trying to make glue." Lily answered. "Originally, I thought it was hair gel, but the adhesive properties of some of his ingredients are not common to hair products."

"Yes, but if he's trying to fix his hair he'd need it wouldn't he?" Remus asked right before he turned his head toward the left and felt his jaw drop open when he saw what Sirius had done.

"He didn't…" Lily said staring agape.

"He did…" Remus watching in shock; Sirius had erected a giant banner. It alternately flashed the phrases 'Reach out to the Slytherins', 'Inter-House Unity is Vital', 'Severus Snape is a nice person' 'Respect your fellow students' 'Slytherin's are just like you' and finally 'Study for your exams'. It featured a large picture of a lion with a badger sitting on its back, there was an eagle perched on top of the badger, and finally a snake was curled up on the lion's head. Remus was positive he must have fallen and hit his head because there was no way that Sirius 'Padfoot' Black had made that sign. Remus forced his eyes away from Sirius when he heard a startled gasp from Lily.

James who normally wore his robes open with the sleeves rolled up, shirt tucked out, and tie hanging loose was dressed well neatly. His robes were zipped up and just visible at the top was his neatly done tie. His sleeves were left normal and most of all his hair was…flat…it was plastered down. It was neat…it…was…so…not…James. Remus turned back to Sirius and almost died of shock Sirius was sitting calmly in a chair with a planner…yes…a planner…he was checking off various completed homework assignments, and making To-Do lists as well as what appeared to be a study schedule. That settled it; he had fallen and hit his head, he had a concussion and this was all a hallucination; any second now he would wake up and find out that Sirius had exploded the Potion's class room and knocked everyone unconscious…right?!...

**A/N Hee…I like to torment them…lol…there will be more…lol…review!**


	7. Are You Serious?

**A/N Wow, I can't believe I was mean enough to make you all wait that long when I got eight reviews for the last chapter. Sorry. Lol. I would like to take a moment to say…HI MAR! DO YOU MISS ME? LOL! Lookie, I updated one of my none depressical stories that you actually read.**

**Thanks to all reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: Sue me, I dare you…my parents have six lawyers between them…bring it on…lol…I don't own…**

"Oh…"

"Merlin." Lily said finishing Remus' statement.

"Tell me he's not doing what I think he's doing."

"Umm…I'm afraid he is…" Lily said her mouth hanging open as she looked toward Sirius who was drafting a letter which they had been reading over his shoulder.

_I, Sirius Orion Black, would like to formally apologize to all those I've pranked/teased/hexed throughout my years as a student at this prestigious institution of learning. It was immature and cruel of me to have conducted myself in such a manner when I should have been working for inter-house unity and focusing on my studies. I would also like to offer the member's of my family my sincerest apologies for the manner in which…" _

"Heb!" (Hey!) Sirius exclaimed when his quill was torn from his hand by Remus who looked like he was going to puke. "Wab are yob dobing? (What are you doing?)

"Sirius, it's perfectly fine…" here Remus paused and raised his eyes skyward. "To apologize for the pranks you've pulled, but I cannot stand to watch you apologize to your family."

"Bub, Rebus, I'be been crub to theb!" (But Remus, I've been cruel to them)

"You have not. They've been cruel to you. Now stop it." Remus ordered not really expecting Sirius to listen but since he was acting completely unlike himself it appeared he had also learned to listen. They turned away from Sirius who had moved on to drafting a letter to Snape apologizing for every thing he'd ever done to him, listing each hex, curse, and prank by name and description. Lily and Remus were satisfied that this letter would undoubtedly take him the rest of his life and so turned back toward James.

"Are you serious…?" Lily asked looking at James in shock. Both Remus and Lily turned toward Sirius as though expecting him to say his usual Sirius/serious pun but the pureblood boy was sitting bent over his parchment.

"Yes, I am going to resign from Quidditch." James announced causing Remus to feel faint and grab the edge of the nearest desk.

"Goob fob yob Jabes, I wab thibing I migb dob the sabe, I'b nob berry fob of vibence." (Good for you James, I was thinking I might do the same, I'm not very fond of violence.) Sirius congratulated his friend. Lily stared wide-eyed when she heard Sirius say that.

"I agree, and I find that I don't care much for the competition, it just doesn't interest me, I'm really more of a passive person, and I lack that competitive drive that is necessary. I feel that I should be spending my time on my studies." At these words Remus truly felt he might pass out and sat abruptly down in the nearest chair.

"Tell me you can find an antidote for this…" Remus said turning pleading amber eyes toward Lily.

"Um…no. I'm afraid we'll just have to listen to it."

"And furthermore, I am going to burn my broomstick and urge others to do the same, I shall start the protest! Quidditch must be banned forever!" James exclaimed.

"…" Lily stared at the boy in shock. _This. Was. Not. Happening._ She thought as she ran a hand through her long red hair in frustration.

"Thab's the spirib, Jabes! I shab joib yob in thib noble endebor." (That's the spirit James! I shall join you in this noble endeavor.) Sirius said before breaking into a coughing fit.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Remus asked surveying his friend and expecting the customary I'm fine, response.

"I'b jub a libble sib." (I'm just a little sick." Sirius admitted turning back to James as the two started to write out their petition to disband Quidditch. Remus stare opened mouthed at his best friend in all the years he had know Sirius Orion "Padfoot" Black he had never heard him admit to being in pain or being sick. In fact when he had fallen down the stairs that one time he had stood up, bleeding mind you, and tried to convince Remus and James that he was perfectly all right. Of course he had passed out right after that, and they had dragged him to the hospital wing. After that they'd learned to never ever listen to what Sirius told them in regards to his health. Deciding to test his luck Remus opened his mouth to continue.

"You should see Madam Promfrey when we get out of here."

"Yeb, I bebeve I bill." (Yes, I believe I will) Now Remus was sure the apocalypse had hit.

"…Who are you and what have you done with Sirius…?"

**Teachers…**

"Headmaster, it seems I have a bit of a problem." Slughorn said entering the staff room where Dumbledore was sitting in the same chair he'd been in previously enjoying a lemon drop.

"…Is that so?" Dumbledore asked looking mildly interested but then it could have been the lighting that made it appear so or he could have been interested by the fact that one of his lemon drops tasted curiously lime.

"Yes, you see, Headmaster, I haven't been to my classroom in the past day, whenever I get so much as within fifty feet of where it should be I suddenly remember something I need to do, I think perhaps, those missing Gryffindors messed up on their potion and are now trapped in there."

"Perhaps." Dumbledore said with a nod. "I think I have just the thing." He added rising from his seat leaving Slughorn staring after him looking wholly confused.

**A/N That's it for now, in the next chapter they will be rescued and McGonagall will think Sirius and James have fallen and hit their heads. (grins evilly) Review and see me torment them…and the Slytherins, don't forget the Slytherins, they will suffer. Review!**


	8. And It Was All Down Hill From There

**A/N It was faster then usual right? Lol. **

**Disclaimer: I asked for them for my birthday as today is that day we shall see if I got them, but for now I don't own.**

"Just. Kill. Me. Now." Remus ground out slamming his head against the desk.

"Are you choosing to die for the cause?" James asked excitedly.

"…no…" Remus responded as James and Sirius continued to bend over their petition.

"I vobe abywab caubt cobucbing prabs be exbelleb." (I vote anyone caught conducting pranks be expelled.) At this point Remus and Lily were so intent upon their task of wishing death upon themselves that neither of them noticed the large glob of pink goo inching toward them.

"Brilliant!" James exclaimed as he added a clause to the petition which ordered all brooms to be collected and put through a shredder the remains of which would be lit on fire.

"…if I didn't know any better I'd ask if he had a fever or something…" Lily mused eyeing James as he launched calmly into his reasoning as to why Quidditch was the root of all evil with Sirius nodding vehemently at his side.

"I'm perfectly fine, Miss Evans, the revelation has finally been revealed to me!" James exclaimed.

"Er…have fun with that." Lily said edging away from him only to slip on the glob of goo causing her to grab Remus by the arm and drag him down with her. They both struggled to sit up when they realized what they had landed on.

"Why exactly aren't we on the ceiling?" Remus questioned.

"I think that because it is in the solidified form rather then the liquid form it was when Sirius and James touched it the nature of the binding has changed. Instead we're glued to the floor. To my thinking it should take less time for us to react then them due to the changed nature of the potion." Lily explained logically.

**Two hours later…**

"I HATE BOOKS!" Remus exclaimed kicking a large spell book across the room before grabbing his Transfiguration book from his bag and proceeding to rip all the pages out. Finally he stomped on it repeatedly. If any of the people occupying the room at the moment had been sane they might have thought Remus was behaving in very Sirius-esqe manners.

At the same moment Lily was in Slughorn's supply closet smashing various potions and ingredients by throwing them to the ground while singing 'Screw the rules' over and over. Anyone who even had the remotest idea of who Lily was knew that she wouldn't even behave in such a manner if she had fallen and hit her head. Thankfully, no one in the room had the sanity to notice this.

Sirius frowned at Remus. "Stob!" (Stop) He ordered pulling Remus away from the bookshelf. "You'b deboying the bobks, theyb arb a fobain of learbing ab shoulb be treabed wib cabe ab rebect." (You're destroying the books, they're a fountain of learning and should be treated with care and respect.)

"I can't hearrrrrrrr you!" Remus answered childishly.

"Be sebous!" (Be serious!) Sirius exclaimed.  
"I can't be Sirius you're Sirius. I would think both of us having the same name would get rather confusing in classes." Remus joked which would have caused any _sane _bystander to pass out at the sight of Remus laughing at the pun he hated with the fiber of his very being. Sirius groaned at his friends pun and turned around to watch James reprimand Lily for mixing dangerous ingredients.

"Will you go out with me so that we can terrorize Snivellus for the rest of our existence and have wonderful Quidditch playing babies?" Lily questioned.

"No! I will not go out with you." James answered.

This day would go down in history, as being the first time in recorded history (Sirius liked to take note of Lily's rejections of James.) that Lily Amanda Evans actually wanted to go out with James and was in fact turned down by the boy who had an obsession with her that bordered on stalking.

"Why not, Jimmikins?" Lily asked sweetily.

"First of all never call me that ever again, second because I am not going out with some arrogant snob who supports Quidditch and wants to terrorize innocent Slytherins."

"Is that a yes, then?" Lily asked causing James to groan in frustration.

"NO, it is not a yes, I will never ever go out with you!"

"I understand!" Lily exclaimed. "You're playing hard to get!" She continued causing James to pull out his wand.

"Don't make me hex you, Evans."

"Why ever would you do that my precious Jamsiekins?"

"…"

"I LIKE SUGAR!" Remus exclaimed running across the room with a bag of candy he'd commandeered from Sirius' bag.

"Pub dowb the subar, Rebus, ab bab abay sloby." (Put down the sugar, Remus and back away slowly.)

"You'll never take me alive." Remus exclaimed now running in circles.

"Will you go out with me? Will you, huh, huh, HUH?"

"Rebus pub dowb the subar." (Remus put down the sugar.)

"I'll never go out with you never, ever, ever!"

This was the scene the Dumbledore and an assortment of professors had the privilege to walk in on.

"Freeze!"

**A/N Boohoohahaha. Wow, I think I come off as being slightly deranged based on the writing of this chapter…but oh well. Review, all I want for my birthday is reviews…not really but still…Press the button which has been established as periwinkle and review! **


	9. In the Hospital Wing

**A/N I've updated…finally…this is in honor of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. However I would like to say that I despise the 5****th**** movie it was so horrible I was tempted to cry. I hate the movies.**

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone! Hahaha…that sounds so weird…**

"Hello, Minnie!" Remus greeted grinning manically at McGonagall. "MY SUGAR! You'll never take it from me!" McGonagall blinked at the prefect in front of her and adjusted her glasses thinking that her eyes were playing tricks on her and the boy in front of her was Sirius Black and not as her eyes had led her to believe Remus Lupin.

"Go out with me Jamsiekins! Please? Pretty, pretty, pretty PLEASE?!" Lily Evans exclaimed kneeling before James and grabbing him around the knees.

"Pub dowb the subar!" (Put down the sugar)

"I'LL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU! NEVER!" McGonagall massaged her temples and glanced at Dumbledore for assistance, however he was currently eating a lemon drop while watching the four with interest.

"Mr. Lupin, I'm going to have to ask you to out down the sugar."

"But, Minnie, you always say you love it when I have sugar…you know during those sessions…in your office…"

"MR. LUPIN!"

"Clearly, something is wrong with these children." Slughorn commented wincing as he observed his star pupil Lily Evans rip pages out of her potions text.

"I think perhaps we should take them to Poppy. Come along Sirius." McGonagall continued grabbing Sirius by the arm.

"I woub libe to quib qubbbitch! I quib, it is vibe sporb!" (I would like to quit Quidditch! I quit, it is vile sport.)

"Did he just say what I think he said…"

"Yes, Minerva, you're star beater did in fact just say he wants to quit." Slughorn replied.

"Are you running a fever?" McGonagall questioned Sirius.

"I dubbo. Bub, I do wabba quib Quibbitch!" (I dunno but I do wanna quit Quidditch.)

"He's delusional, Headmaster, we need to get him to the Hospital Wing, right away." McGonagall exclaimed eyeing Sirius who was brandishing his petition at her.

"Take him to Poppy, while we get these three out of here." Dumbledore replied watching as James lectured on inter-house unity.

"What happened to his hair?" Slughorn questioned the headmaster eyeing James.

"…I do believe he's jelled it back, Horace."

"Indeed. Come along Miss Evans, we need to go to the hospital wing."

"You'll never take me alive! Not without my Jimmisipoo."

"I think she hit her head, Headmaster."

"Perhaps…maybe it would be simpler if we just stunned them." Dumbledore suggested watching as Remus shoved handfuls of sugar in his mouth and James continued adding copious amounts of gel to his hair.

"Probably." And with that they swiftly stunned the remaining three teens before levitating them out of the room and up the stairs.

**Hospital Wing…**

"What brings you here, Minerva?" Poppy questioned.

"Something seems to be wrong with Mr. Black. I think he's running a fever, he's delusional."

"Oh. Come here Mr. Black." Poppy ordered, McGonagall released her hold on Sirius who calmly walked over to the school nurse and sat down on the bed she indicated.

"Hob you hab beeb Mabam Probey, deab?" (How have you been Madam Pomfrey, dear?)

"Fine, now hold still." She continued not really expecting him to listen as Sirius Black was in fact incapable of not squirming. "Well he does have a fever, 102.9, at that. But what are these delusions you say he's suffering from?"

"He wants to…to…I can't even say it…"

"He wants to quit Quidditch." Dumbledore replied walking in behind Slughorn and lowering the unconscious bodies of the teens onto three beds.

"Is this true, Mr. Black?"

"Yeb." (Yup.)

"I see." Poppy muttered more to herself then Sirius. "And what happened to these three?"

"Same thing…they're acting odd…" McGonagall replied.

"Oh, by the way, Minerva, after you left, James said he too wants to quit your team, and further stated that he's starting a campaign to ban the sport." Slughorn informed his rival head of house.

"…James said this?"

"Yes…"

"…James Potter…?"

"Yes…"

"As in the boy who lives, breaths and sleeps Quidditch?"

"Yes…"

"See? Clearly they're all ill."

"None of them show any signs of fever or other illness other then Sirius."

"Maybe they hit their heads." McGonagall replied stubbornly.

"Check for signs of Polyjuice potion, Poppy. Perhaps they've switched places, and James is Lily, and Remus is Sirius and vice versa." Dumbledore said as he calmly sucked on a lemon drop his blue eyes twinkling. Pomfrey nodded absently and waved her wand over each teen in turn.

"Search turns up negative for all signs of Polyjuice."

"Then what in the name of Merlin is wrong with my best Quidditch players?!" McGonagall exclaimed in a voice that bordered on hysterical.

"I'm not sure…perhaps we should revive them and see what we can figure out?" Poppy replied. Dumbledore nodded and pulled out his wand reviving the other three Gryffindors.

"Who stole my sugar?"

"Will you go out with me now, Jimmy dear?"

"Yob shoubn't be habing thab subar! You'b rob yobr tebth oub." (You shouldn't be having that sugar, you'll rot your teeth out.)

"No! I'll never go out with you! Not even if you were the last woman on this earth, not now, not ever, got it Evans?"

"Sugar!"

"You don't mean that Jimmsie!"

"You see, Poppy? They're delusional…help them!" McGonagall said interrupting the flow of babbling from her four students.

"Calm down, Minerva…we'll have this sorted out in no time." Poppy reassured while simultaneously eyeing the four in disbelief. "…Eventually…" She added under her breath as she rotted through a cabinet in search of a fever reducing potion for Sirius.

"Miss Evans, could you tell us what happened?" Slughorn inquired.

"What on earth are you talking about, Minnie? Nothing happened, other then my Jimmsiekins rejecting me but fear not I will persevere he will be mine and we will be Mr. and Mrs. James Potter!" Slughorn gaped at her but nodded absently.

"Mister Potter, could you possibly enlighten me as to what occurred while in Professor Slughorn's classroom?" Dumbledore asked after offering James a lemon drop of which he declined.

"I haven't the slightest clue what you're asking me, Headmaster, we got locked in…and Lily wouldn't stop asking me out, I'm pondering a restraining order."

"And you Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall asked wearily.

"Sugar."

"Sugar?"

"I like sugar!"

"…"

**A/N Review…pretty please.**


	10. Remembering the Slytherins

**A/N OMG, it's an update that didn't take three years! Are you shocked? Lol.**

**Thanks to all Reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, the lyrics are 'Every Breath You Take by the Police.**

"Headmaster?" Slughorn asked while simultaneously eyeing McGonagall who looked like she was going to cry. It's possible that her hysteria was caused by the fact that James was sitting up in the hospital bed brandishing a petition entitled 'The Noble Fight to end the Treachery of Qudditch'.

"Yes, Professor?" Dumbledore asked serenely.

"Do you realize that we've left all the Slytherins glued to the ceiling?"

"…Yes, I am aware of the situation…" Dumbledore responded with a nod.

"Uh-huh, so…shouldn't we try to get them down?"

"Indeed."

"Now?"

"Yes. Let's go. Minerva will you be all right here by yourself?" Dumbledore asked eyeing the distraught Deputy Headmistress.

"The game is in five days." McGonagall answered as though she hadn't heard him.

"AND WE MUST ACT TO END QUDDITCH BEFORE THIS GAME OCCURS!" James interrupted. At this point McGonagall looked like she wanted to die and Dumbledore motioned over her head to Poppy clearly asking the nurse to keep an eye on the Gryffindor head of house whilst he was tending to the Slytherins. Dumbledore and Slughorn exited the hall to the sounds of Lily asking James out again.

**At the Slytherin common room…**

"Do you realize you've left us here for two days?" Malfoy called down.

"Indeed." Dumbledore said nodding and peering through the portrait hole looking for anymore of the substance that had sent the Slytherins up there.

"…GET US DOWN…" Snape snapped.

"We're working on that right now Mr. Snape." Slughorn assured.

"Horace, what do you think this is?"

"Well, it's a potion of some sort; I'd guess a semi-permanent sticking charm."

"Yes…"

"STOP SAYING YES AND GET US DOWN OLD MAN." Malfoy shouted down his face red from all the blood rushing to his head. Dumbledore ignored the Malfoy heir in favor of talking to the Potion's master.

"I have a suspicion that this may be what was used on the other four."

"…It's possible."

"All right then, Horace, I'll stay here with the Slytherins and you go down to your classroom and gather any mysterious looking goo you can find on the floor." Dumbledore ordered. "What color was the stuff that sent you up there?"

"Pink." Snape answered through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yes, thank you, Severus." Dumbledore replied. "All right then Horace, look for some mysterious pink goo, I think you can run an analysis on it and find out what the potion does, can't you?"

"Yes, Headmaster, I can."

"All right then I'll just keep the Slytherins company while you do that." Dumbledore replied cheerfully as the students above him groaned and mumbled about being trapped with a muggle loving old coot having no idea that they were about to be acting the exact same way.

**Back to the Hospital Wing…**

"Why is it that these things always happen to my students? No other houses have these problem, no of course not, it's only my Gryffindors that go around playing stupid pranks and getting into accidents. For Merlin's sake, what am I going to have to do, put a tracking charm on them?"

"…Well, Gryffindors always were a bit reckless."

"Thanks for the reassurance, Poppy." McGonagall responded dryly to the nurse who was attempting to get Sirius to swallow a potion for his cold but was unable to because the Gryffindor in question was only interested in telling her his views on house unity.

"And stubborn, don't forget stubborn."

"Aww, but your lives would be so boring without us, isn't that right, Poppy, dear?" Remus asked.

"…"

"He was supposed to be the responsible one, we made him a prefect!" McGonagall said hysterically.

"Calm down, Minerva, I'm sure we'll be able to turn them back to normal…_eventually_." The nurse added the last part under her breath.

"Rebus! Bebave youbself! Youb ubsebbing Probessor Mbonaball!" (Remus! Behave yourself! You're upsetting Professor McGonagall.

"You talk funny."

"Remus, that was uncalled for!" James reprimanded.

"I just had the best idea to prank the Slytherins!" Lily exclaimed excitedly.

"Really, what is it?" Remus asked.

"Rebus, Liby, we dob nob prab the Slyberins, we neeb tob habe inber hoube unbity." (Remus, Lily, we do not prank the Slytherins we need to have inter house unity.)

"_Riiiiiiight_." Remus responded sarcastically. Lily didn't answer she was currently thinking up a new woo James plan.

"I've got it!" Lily exclaimed.

"What?" Remus asked.

"You'll see." Lily answered.

"Do you think since Remus and Lily are acting like Sirius and James that they'll be able to play Qudditch as well?"

"…No…"

**Back to the Slytherins…**

"I've collected the goo, Headmaster, and I'm in the process of making the potion." Slughorn said coming up to Dumbledore but not looking into the common room.

"I don't think that will be entirely necessary, Horace."

"And why's that, Headmaster?"

"Well, because I know what it does, if you'll look into the common room you'll see what I mean." Dumbledore replied moving to his left so Slughorn could see in easier. Slughorn looked into the room and was tempted to cry, his house, made up almost entirely of rich purebloods had turned into what their parents would call blood traitors, meaning that he was going to have to deal with some seriously angry pureblood witches and wizards. This day just kept getting better and better.

"Hello, professor. Have you seen James and Sirius? I've been wanting to apologize to them for how rude I've been." Snape said walking up to Dumbledore.

"Uh…they're in the hospital wing." Slughorn replied.

"Oh no! Did something happen to my dear big brother?" Regulas Black exclaimed walking over to them. "I've been meaning to speak to him! I've finally seen the light, Slytherins are nasty evil people, we should all aspire to be like our Gryffindor counter parts." A cheer went up through the crowd at his words and Slughorn looked slightly scared and backed up a few steps. "May I go visit my brother, Professor?" Regulas asked.

"Uh…sure…" Slughorn replied gaping at his seeker.

"Thank you, sir." Regulas said before exiting the common room and heading down the corridor toward the hospital wing.

"Now professor, I've been meaning to speak to you about redecorating our common room, it's far too dreary…" Lucius Malfoy exclaimed walking over to Slughorn and Dumbledore.

"I think you've got this under control, Horace." Dumbledore said smiling in amusement while Slughorn looked horrified as Malfoy started telling him of his plans to redo the common room in all red so as to better show their appreciation for their Gryffindor counterparts.

"…Now I know how Minerva feels…" Slughorn muttered under his breath,

**Back at the Hospital Wing…**

Dumbledore walked into the hospital wing to find Minerva and Poppy gaping at something to his left. Sirius was yelling something indistinguishable to Remus, and James had placed his hands over his ears and was yelling about how he would never ever go out with someone. Dumbledore turned to his left and immediately found the source of the commotion, Lily Evans was standing on top of her hospital bed holding a hairbrush as though it were a microphone and singing loudly and off key.

"Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take  
I'll be watching you." She screeched. Sirius clapped his hands over his ears and James started yelling for McGonagall to shut her up. Remus was uttering words of encouragment to the girl and Poppy and Minerva both looked slightly scared.

"Every single day, Every word you say, Every game you play, Every night you stay,  
I'll be watching you."

"Shub her ub! She'b hurbing by eabs!" (Shut her up! She's hurting my ears!)

"Oh, cant you see, You belong to me, How my poor heart aches, With every step you take."

"I DO NOT BELONG TO HER! I'LL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU! NEVER!"

"Every move you make, Every vow you break, Every smile you fake, Every claim you stake I'll be watching you."

"SHE WANTS TO STALK ME PROFESSOR!" James exclaimed hysterically.

**A/N That is all for now, next chapter we shall witness the Regulas and Sirius (gasp) get along, and watch as Snape institutes hug your fellow student day.**** Boohohahaha. (cackles evily)**


	11. The Official Day of Hugging

**A/N First of all I would like to thank FreakyD45663, for her ideas, all bolded phrases are direct quotes from her, and the idea for James and Sirius addressing the school is also her idea so everyone wave and give her a big thanks!**

**Also thanks so much for all the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Don't sue me…**

"Sirius? What happened? Are you all right?" Regulas asked rushing over to his broter immediately upon entering the Hospital Wing.

"Ob? Yeb. I'b fibe, jub a bib sib, bub I woulb libe to abologibe to youb for alb the hobbible thibs I'be saib to youb." (Oh? Yes, I'm fine, just a bit sick, but I would like to apologize to you for all the horrible things I've said to you.)

"You sound terrible, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeb!" (Yes.)

"But speaking of apologizing, I'd like to say I'm sorry to you because I was wrong all these years, Gryffindor is the house I should've strived for, Slytherins are no good snakes. I just want to be like you!"

"Nob, Reblas, ib's nob youb faulbt! I turbed my bab ob the fabily!" (No, Regulas, it's not your fault! I turned my back on the family.)

"I'll settle this it's neither of your faults now shut up and leave me to my sugar!" Remus interrupted scowling at the siblings.

"You're going to rot your teeth out." Regulas commented.

"Exabtly!" (Exactly). Sirius exclaimed.

"So, Regulas what's your opinion on Qudditch?" James asked walking over to the younger Black petition in hand.

"Vile sport." The Slytherin seeker responded wrinkling his nose up at the thought.

"YES! Here sign this! It's my petition to end the sport!" James said shoving the petition and a quill into Regulas' hand.

"Brilliant plan!" Regulas said excitedly.

"I can't watch this anymore." McGonagall commented leaving the room. Dumbledore hurried after her to make sure she didn't attempt to drown herself or something due to her lack of Qudditch players.

**Meanwhile back with the Slytherins…**

To an outsider with no knowledge of the Slytherins and their normal behavior the common room would look like a nice cheerful place. Anyone with even the barest clue of what it was to be a Slytherin would think that the Marauders had been 'redecorating' the room again, but alas, this was not the case. The changes done to the room were done by Slytherins. The black leather furniture had been replaced by squishy red couches, the walls had been painted a yellowish-gold, and anything baring a snake on it had been taken down. Torches burned brightly and the room had a (gasp) jolly air about it. A large banner hung over a cheerful fireplace baring the words "Inter-House Unity: the Road to Empowerment!" No self respecting Slytherin would allow any such banner within a hundred and ten feet of their common room, fortunately that was not the case, seeing as there were no self-respecting Slytherins in the entirety of Hogwarts.

In fact several students from the other three houses were currently near catatonia having seen their Slytherin counter parts. Indeed Peter Pettigrew was practically hysterical having had Snape come over and hug him. Students were cowering in corners and hiding under tables unaware that the worst had not yet happened. Soon, they would know the depths of fear…and this fear would be instilled them by none other then their favorite students three of the Marauders and Lily. It was this scene of confusion and terror that McGonagall walked in on upon her entrance into the Great Hall. The professor in question looked like she would like nothing better then to turn around and walk out of the hall. However before she could fulfill her wish she was attacked in the form of one Severus Snape hugging her tightly. Disentangling herself from the Slytherin the Gryffindor head of house let out a shriek. "FIFTY POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN, Mr. Snape!"

"Good!" Snape said looking cheerful for once in his life. "I always hated that stupid house! Thanks, Professor!" McGonagall looked extremely scared and backed up a few steps only to run into Lucius Malfoy who immediately rushed to engage her in conversation.

"Professor! Just the person I wanted to see, I was wondering if you could please take some points from me? I don't feel I've paid for my horrible prejudices, and I'm quite sorry for all the horrible things I've said." Malfoy asked excitedly. McGonagall screamed in terror and ran from the room almost crashing into Dumbledore who was coming in having heard that lemon drops would be served with lunch.

"Something wrong, Minerva?" He asked calmly. She simply let out an indistinguishable sound somewhere between a shriek and a snort and ran right past him. Dumbledore shrugged nonplussed and nodded to some terrified students before taking his seat at the head table. There he sat watching mildly interested as Alice ran screaming with Snape chasing after her saying 'I just want to hug you.'

**Back in the Hospital Wing…**

"All right, I'm just going to go get some plants from Professor Sprout, I'll be back in a little while...don't leave." Pomfrey said not really expecting them to listen. Remus waited approximately ten seconds to start pestering his friends to leave the room. "Let's go! It's almost lunch time and I hear screaming! There should not be screams that we don't cause!"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Lily added. Sirius and James exchanged uncertain glances.

"She told us to stay here…" James started.

"I think we should go, Siri…" Regulas said looking delighted at the idea.

"I dubbo, Reb…" (I dunno Reg…) Sirius said uncertainly.

"If we go you can spread your views on Quidditch…" Remus started.

"Yeah, and think of all the people you can get to sign your petition." Lily enticed.

"Fibe." (Fine.) Sirius answered for the both of them. James was too busy attempting to disentangle himself from Lily who held his arm in a death grip. It took them ten minutes to get across the school to the Great Hall and Remus and Lily exchanged evil looking grins before bursting through the doors.

James and Sirius followed at a sedate pace. The two (former if they had it their way) Qudditch players stood up on chairs at the Gryffindor table. James cleared his throat and straightened his robes. The students stared at him and squinted trying to figure out if it was James or not. "I have come here today to talk to you about a vital situation that will affect all of you." James said importantly. The students perked up a bit thinking that he knew of someway to stop Snape from hugging them. **"My fellow students, I'm making a petition to ban Qudditch forever. Qudditch is such a vile sport." **James said his voice heavy with conviction. Wide-eyed legions of students gaped at James. Two of the Gryffindor chasers had to be held back and the seeker was practically in tears. Several students seemed to have fainted and others were staring at James incredulously.

"This is a joke right?!" One student called out in a loud voice.

"Why would you think that?" James wondered in a puzzled voice. "I'm deathly serious…"

"You're not Sirius! He's Sirius!" Remus replied pointing from James to Sirius.

"I habe thab pub." (I hate that pun.) Sirius replied with an eye roll.

"It is time for us to stand together! We must let our voices be heard…" James said loudly. "I have in my hands a petition to end the horrible sport of Qudditch that has helped to create these inter-house rivalries. Only through the termination of Qudditch can we hope to establish a united school. I urge you all to step forward and sign this paper for the good of this school." James continued as several students fainted and several more screamed. Others appeared to be catatonic sitting perfectly still gaping at the captain.

"Bub, thib ib nob alb we'be cobe to speab to youb aboub tobay!" (But this is not all we've come to speak to you about today!) Most students looked confused so Sirius let out a sigh and beckoned to Regulas holding a short whispered conversation with his brother.

"My brother said that this is not the only issue they wish to address you on." Regulas summarized. Sirius flashed his brother a megawatt grin before continuing.

"**ibter house ubity ib a bery ibortant thib…"** Sirius started making eye contact with various students. **"…oh, hebo there seberus, I woulb libe to say soby fo ebery mean thib i eber did to you…" **Sirius continued spotting Snape a few feet away from him, Sirius immediately got down from his chair and walked over to the Slytherin. **(inter-house unity is a very important thing-oh, hello there Severus, I would like to say sorry for every mean thing I ever did to you.) **Snape voiced his apologies in return and hugged Sirius. The Gryffindor did not as they anticipate freak out and hex Snape, no instead he smiled and complimented Snape for all he was doing to spread inter-house unity. At his words dozens of Sirius fan-girls passed out from the shock of seeing their hero talk about being friends with Slytherins.

"As my dear friend has just told you, now is the time to embrace your fellow student, turn now to the person on your left and give them a hug, offer them your friendship!" James said while the students gaped at him as though he were insane. The only people who followed the advice were Slytherins who had been affected by the potion. Everyone else went running in fear of the scary Slytherins who were attempting to hug them.

**A/N So…that's all for this chapter, I won't be able to update until Wednesday, I'm sorry about that but I'll be at my Dad's as of tomorrow until Tuesday night and I'll have zero computer access. Sorry. But review please!**


	12. Fairies and a normal James?

**A/N I wrote this chapter solely out of a desire for reviews, I was sitting at my computer watching Numb3rs and talking to Margaret and I was just like 'I really want some reviews right now…' So then I was like 'I know! I'll update! And then I'll have more reviews!' I'm a bit review obsessed if you couldn't tell. Lol. **

**Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to GothicTulip for being my one hundredth reviewer, but also thank you to everyone else who reviewed because reading all of your reviews makes me happy and encourages me to actually update. Thanks to GothicTulip and everyone else who reads and reviews this story.**

**Thanks to all reviewers!!! (Does–I-have-over-one-hundred-reviews happy dance)**

**Disclaimer: An-Jelly-Ca [Who has one hundred reviews (continues to do happy dance) YAY REVIEWS! does not own Harry Potter or any related characters or anything else of the sort. **

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was a strange place, the school was commonly frequented by ghosts, magical creatures, and the like. And as a result the inhabitants of the castle were pretty much prepared for anything, except for this. To be exact, the school was unprepared for: a hug-giving Severus Snape, a sugar-crazed Remus Lupin, a calm, studious Sirius Black, a neat, organized, Qudditch hating James Potter, and finally a James-obsessed, potion hating, unorganized, Lily Evans. In essence it appeared that the apocalypse had finally come. In fact several students were spouting a theory that the sky was going to fall down on them in moments, others were cowering in corners, and still others were writing letters to friends and family who they were convinced they would never again see. At the point where we join the students and administration members we'll become aware of an altogether interesting phenomenon, well I'll let you see for yourself, shall I?

"In conclusion, it is time that we step up and take the initiative…" James Potter said in a loud voice that carried over the frightened screams of his classmates and teachers.

"Aren't you done yet? For Merlin's sake all your carrying on is interrupting my sugar ingestion." Remus interrupted in a loud and irritated sounding voice; his words were met by several nods and calls of agreement.

"Honestly, you'd think I was standing up here lecturing you about something you have no interest in the way you're complaining, clearly this is a vital issue, which I'm certain you all will want to act upon!" James exclaimed sounding vaguely irritated.

"Actually we're not all that interested, you see, we _like_ Qudditch…" Frank Longbottom called sounding slightly apologetic.

"Slaber! Trebson! Blabseby!" (Slander! Treason! Blasphemy!) Sirius screeched pointing an accusing finger wildly into the crowd. Several people looked frightened and took several steps back only to bump into a Slytherin who immediately attempted to hug them thus scarring said students for life and causing them to slip into catatonia. Eh…they'll get over it eventually, I suppose.

"I simply do not understand what is going on in the minds of young people today, I mean you'd think that caring individuals such as yourself would want to help stop the violent and competitive game no…cult…yes, cult, that is Qudditch." James said shaking his head in disappointment.

"Meh…actually, we pretty much just want to watch people hit balls at each other at high speed…" Remus responded giving James a look that clearly said he thought the other was insane for even suggesting that any self-respecting wizard or witch would want to stop Qudditch.

"I've had just about enough of this." Lily Evans broke in causing several students to look at her hopefully; clearly thinking she had come to her senses, but alas there was no such luck. "This little movement of yours is of little consequence to me, the only thing I care about is going out with you, yes, you, James Potter. In fact, I shall sign your little petition if only you will go out with me!" She continued making her way over to the Chaser loath as he was to admit it. James glanced at her looking mildly tempted by the offer, but then reason entered his head and he scoffed at her.

"I will not! For surely it will do my cause no good to have one who is not truly committed join it only to seek a means to an end." He replied scornfully. Lily shrugged at him before turning and giving Remus a thumbs up. And before you could say Voldemort the very vile visionary of villainy five times fast a mist poured down over the students and a loud boom sounded. When the smoke cleared the students were quickly made aware of several things: 1st they were purple, 2nd they were dressed in muggle-style fairy costumes, and 3rd their wands had been replaced by shiny silver ones with a large star at the tip; needless to say they didn't exactly work all that well. Oh, and did I mention that James had slipped into a daze of some sort and was staring blankly into space?

"Jabes?" (James) Sirius questioned snapping his fingers in front of his friend's face.

"Jamesikins, are you okay?" Lily questioned running over to him.

"Huh? What happened?" James asked abruptly snapping out of his daze. "Why am I standing on a chair and why is Remus eating sugar out of a bag and…what the bloody hell is going on?"

"What on earth are you talking about, Jimmykins?" Lily questioned.

"Why, my Lily-flower have you finally seen the light, and decided that we're meant to be?" James questioned hopefully whilst completely ignoring the chaos that was the great hall.

"Potter?" McGonagall questioned shoving past several students in her quest to get to her star Qudditch player.

"Yes, Minnie?" James asked when she reached him. "Looking good by the way…" He continued gleefully spotting the fairy costume that adorned the Transfiguration mistress.

"Oh thank Merlin." McGonagall exclaimed excitedly. "All right, one thing though, you don't want to end Qudditch do you?" She asked cautiously.

"Why the bloody hell would I do that? Has someone been defacing my sacred sport?" James asked sounding shocked.

"You're back to normal! Thank Merlin!" McGonagall said positively bouncing up and down in glee.

"Er, what exactly are you talking about Minnie?" James asked taking a cautious step back from his head of house.

"I haven't the time or the energy to explain it." McGonagall answered. "The important thing is that you're all right." She continued. "Now fix Sirius."

"What?" James asked looking thoroughly confused.

"Ask him what he thinks of Qudditch." McGonagall responded tersely.

"Sirius what do you think of Qudditch?" James asked with an eye roll clearly thinking his professor was deranged.

"Weln obioubly I thib thab ib ib an ebil culb stbe sporb thab shoulb be elibibated ab alb coubts!" (Well, obviously I think that it is an evil cult style sport that should be eliminated at all costs!) Sirius replied vehemently.

"Well?" McGonagall said looking at James expectantly.

"Tell me I heard you wrong." James ordered addressing his best friend.

"Nobe. Wab habe youb turbed frob the noble caube?" (Nope. What have you turned from the noble cause?) Sirius asked incredulously.

"I'm willing to generously pretend you didn't say that, provided you drop your crusade and return your attention to beating the Slytherins on Saturday." James said narrowing his eyes at his best friend.

"I shab't!" (I shan't.)

"Yes. You. Will." James answered through gritted teeth.

"Shab't!" (Shan't)

"You will!"

"I shab't!" (Shan't.)

"You will!"

"I shab't!" (Shan't.)

"You will!"

"I shab't!" (Shan't.)

"It's no use." McGonagall said hysterically. "We're gong to lose, he's our best beater…"

"Don't talk like that, Minnie." James replied. "He will play one way or another. Won't you Sirius?"

"Nobe." (Nope.) Sirius answered petulantly.

"I have one question Professor…" James said completely ignoring his friend.

"What is it?"

"Exactly what is going on?"

**A/N Review, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this chapter but…yeah. Let me know what you think. Review! Also, school starts tomorrow, I may cry, but if you review I'll be happy and decide to update again. **


	13. Which is stronger?: Instincts vs Potions

**A/N I'm so sorry about the wait. I've been literally swamped, between hmwrk, debate, bowling, SOS, writer's block, and everything else I haven't the slightest bit of time to update. I hope you will all continue to read.**

**Thanks to all reviewers!**

**Dedication: To Margaret (see I'm even going to call you by your real name in thanks!) formally known as do I need a pen name, for her thoughts on how I should bring Sirius back to normal. **

**Another thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter,** **do I need a pen name**, **graycgirl, sanjana, Yalith's Wolf, Hailee-Bails, teddylonglong, alice-is-lost-in-wonderland, MabbyAbbyGabby, Sweetbutteri, GothicTulip, The Lady Jane of Mal Zeth, Gabwr, Phoenixx Rising, dragongirl67, locktonyup, The Fiffth Maurader, FreakyD45663, IAMaMUDBLOOD, Maxie1514, the werewolf gal.**

James Charlus Potter was not having a good day. Not at all. Why? It may have something to do with theswafact that he was wearing a fairy costume, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that Snivellus had just tried to hug him, or perhaps it was the fact that his best friend was currently shouting something about Quidditch being a cult right in his ear. Regardless of the reason, today was just not his day. James frowned and turned to his head of house again. "So, let me get this straight…" The messy hair boy said repeating everything McGonagall had told him.

"Jamsie, Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamsiiiiiiiiiiiie…"

"Yes, Remus?" James asked in a terse voice.

"I forgot." The amber eyed boy said with a grin from where he stood bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet a few feet to James' left. The Quidditch captain let out a growl of frustration and decided that he'd had quite enough.

"Are you sure we can't just like hit the over the head and like snap them out of it?" James queried.

"…The headmaster tends to frown on us hitting the students." McGonagall answered looking as though she regretted that particular policy.

"Damn." James ran a hand through his hair and scowled when it came back full of glitter. He wiped it against his pink tutu only to end up getting even glitterier. Remus burst into laughter and James gave his friend the glare he normally reserved for an especially hyperactive Sirius.

"Jamsiekiiiiiiiiiiiiins?" Lily Evans said launching herself at the Head Boy.

"Yes, my Lilyflower?" James questioned smiling brightly. "You know Minnie, I think I could get used to this." McGonagall rolled her eyes at the teenage wizard before speaking.

"I will not lose the cup to Slughorn because you want Miss Evans to fawn all over you, now help me fix Black!"

"Calm down, Minnie." James said grinning at her. McGonagall scowled at him.

"Stop calling me Minnie."

**Meanwhile several feet away…**

"Bohabahababhaba!" (Bwhahahahaha!) The dark haired boy rubbed his hands together and an evil twinkle shown in his grey eyes. "I shab elibate the ebil!" (I shall eliminate the evil!) The Gryffindor placed the final log on top of his four foot tall pile and turned toward the set of heavily cared for and expensive looking Quidditch equipment. He picked up the heavily shined broom and placed it on top of the pile of firewood. He then threw in several Zonko's products (including several explosive items) for good measure. Sirius then added his beater's bat and pulled his wand out of his robe pocket. With an evil glint in his eyes he pointed it toward the pile. Just as he prepared to say the fatal curse that would destroy everything he once held dear he heard a shout from behind him momentarily drawing his attention away from the pile.

"No, Sirius! Don't do it!" James Potter has finally turned away from his conversation with the Gryffindor head of house and spotted his best friend about to light fire to his broomstick.

"Bub, I mub elibabte the ebil! Thib is a debonstrabion thab wilb stab as a libing rebiber of the ebils of Quibbuitch! Ab reboubce the hobbibble deebs I dib to the Slyberins by burbing alb by prabing toobs!" (But I must eliminate the evil! This is a demonstration that will stand as a living reminder of the evils of Quidditch! And renounce the horrible deeds I did to the Slytherin by burning all my pranking tools!) And with this Sirius turns back toward the pile about to light fire to everything he held dear…

"He doesn't look so good." Remus noted looking rather unfazed as he hopped up and down on the balls of his feet eating a chocolate bar. James gave Sirius an appraising look and noted that he looked pale and seemed to be having some kind of internal battle as he attempted to light fire to the pile of wood. He would point his arm at the pile only to have it snap back to his side; his instincts to save his treasured items warring with the potion that had control over his personality. McGonagall, having finally noticed what her star beater was about to do began to move toward him, however just as she did, his eyes rolled back in his head and he hit the ground…hard.

James and McGonagall immediately ran over to the collapsed boy. James tapped his friend lightly on the side of his face attempting to wake him up. "Sirius? Wake up!" McGonagall said in a stern tone hoping to jolt the boy awake. Sirius stirred slightly and opened his eyes blinking blearily up at the faces of his Transfiguration professor and best friend.

"Mibbie? Jabsie? Wab habbened?!" (Minnie? Jamsie? What happened?!)

"Did you just call her Minnie?" James demanded excitedly.

**A/N Review, please! Sorry, about the wait.**


	14. A Pirate's Life for ME!

**A/N Hello, my lovely readers, I am so eternally sorry for making you wait this long to update. I would like to joyfully announce that school is over! WOOT! And, updates will be progressing in a much more timely fashion, I would estimate approximately once a week for this story. Anyways, please read and review.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers!**

**Dedication: To AliceisLost/MabbyAbbyGabby, I'm sorry can't get on your other account. Also, I'm sorry for making you go mad waiting for the next chapter. Thanks so much for all your fabulous reviews! :)**

Sirius warily allowed James to help him sit up before blinking a few time to clear his head and demanding to know what happened. James had opened his mouth to answer his friend when Sirius interrupted him by staring in abject horror at the large mound of firewood on which perched his reason for living. "Whab habbened tob by Quibbich stubb?!" (What happened to my Quidditch stuff?!) Sirius all but shrieked causing several people nearby to cover their ears with their hands.

"You were going to light them on fire." McGonagall informed the Gryffindor beater.

"Wab nob. I woulb neber do subh a thibg!" (Was not. I would never do such a thing!) Sirius exclaimed. In true Sirius fashion the dark haired boy stopped mid rant to point excitedly toward the object held in Remus' hands. "Is that sugar??" He demanded jumping up from his seat on the floor and all but jumping Remus and ripping the bag of sugar from his hands.

"Hey! That's mine!" Remus exclaimed.

McGonagall glanced from where Sirius was standing on top of the Ravenclaw house table holding Remus' sugar captive to James who had returned to Lily and was currently happily engaged in conversation with the red-head, who he suddenly had a lot more in common with personality-wise. McGonagall was starting to realize that having James and Sirius back to normal might not be such a good thing. Her theory was confirmed when Sirius waved his want transfiguring a goblet into a small catapult and proceed to shoot a variety of small vegetables at various members of the room from behind the fort he had built of books (undoubtedly belonging to the Ravenclaws, whose table he had commandeered.) Remus had built a fort of his own at the Hufflepuff table and was returning fire.

As she took in the increasingly frightened screams of the first and second years as food flew over their heads and Slytherins chased after them offering them candy, McGonagall realized what hell truly was. She decided that the best course of action was to get the heck out of the Great Hall before they turned their attention toward her. Sirius seemed to be taking a certain sadistic joy out of aiming for teachers and had managed to hit Sprout and Kettleburn so far.

Unfortunately, many other people seemed to have the same idea and a mad rush to get out of the room ensued. McGonagall was among the twenty or so people who managed to escape before Sirius and Remus noticed that their victims were getting away and proceeded to station themselves in front of the doors.

"Nobody leaves here, got it?" Remus questioned glaring at the room at large through narrowed eyes. An audible shudder whipped through the room as everyone except James, Lily, and the Slytherins backed up as far as they could to get away from the seemingly deranged Gryffindors.

**Meanwhile in the Entrance Hall…**

"What on earth happened to you, Minerva?" Dumbledore asked the deputy headmistress who was currently panting for breath with her normally severely pulled back hair popping out of an askew bun.

"Headmaster, you have to do something about them!" McGonagall exclaimed. "They've taken half the school hostage in there."

"Indeed?" Dumbledore queried pausing as he heard the sound of several explosions echoing from within the Great Hall. McGonagall looked horrified at his lack of response. "Who is 'them' exactly?" He asked the Gryffindor head of house.

"Lupin and Black. As of now Potter and Evans aren't directly involved as they're too busy er, talking…" McGonagall trailed off.

"I take your response to mean that Potter and Black are back to normal?" Dumbledore inquired in a mild tone.

"Yes, and I'm not really sure if that's a good thing…it's great Qudditch-wise, but do you realize the kind of havoc those two will wreak without Lupin and Evans to reign them in? It's like having two Potters, and two Blacks!" She exclaimed.

"Well then, perhaps it's for the best we let them stay in there." Dumbledore mused looking over his half-moon spectacles at the Transfiguration mistress.

"We can't just leave all of those innocent students in there with them." McGonagall protested. At least until another huge explosion sounded, this one causing the floor to shake in the Entrance Hall. Screams could be heard through the walls once more. "Or, maybe we can." McGonagall decided realizing that she would probably have to be the one to go evacuate the other students.

"I'm sure the others will be fine." Dumbledore mused. "In fact, I think this is a wonderful chance to build Inter-house unity." He added sounding excited at the prospect. McGonagall fought the urge to scream, what was it with him and inter-house unity? Seriously.

"Yes, of course, I'm sure they'll all be getting along splendidly in no time." McGonagall replied.

**Back to the Great Hall…**

"Jabsie!" Sirius exclaimed. "Cobe joib, Rebbie abd I! We'be holbing ebeybody hobage!" (Jamsie!, Come join, Remmie and I!, We're holding everybody hostage.)

"Do you mind? Lily-flower and I are trying to have a conversation." James yelled across the hall from where he and Lily were…ahem, talking.

"Fibe." (Fine.) Sirius replied turning back to Remus and holding out the bag of sugar out to the other Marauder so that he could scoop a handful out.

"Let's mabe the firbies walb the plab!" (Let's make the firsties walk the plank.) Sirius exclaimed.

"Hmm…" Remus murmered thoughtfully. "First we're going to need a ship. And an ocean. Or a lake."

"Labe!" (Lake!) Sirius exclaimed excitedly. "You'be bribllant Rebbie! We can feeb theb to the Gibant Squib, as a sabrifice, and theb the Squib wilb grabt us dobinim ober the ebire labe!" (You're brilliant Remmie! We can feed them to the Giant Squid as a sacrifice and then the Squid will grant us dominion over the entire lake!) Sirius replied.

"First we must build the ship!" Remus exclaimed. "Let's employ the first and second years to do so."

-I am a line-

It would go down in history as one of the greatest mysteries to ever hit Hogwarts. No one was ever quite sure how they managed to pull it off. But then, that was true of many of the pranks the Marauders pulled. Still, managing to build a pirate ship and sneak it outdoors through a passageway that led to the grounds outside of Hogwarts was quite a feat even for them.

When the professors finally realized that they were no longer in the Great Hall they scoured the halls searching for the missing students. They finally found them outside standing on a 'pirate ship.' Sirius had donned a black eye patch for the occasion, and Remus was sporting a peg leg.

They had ordered their hostages to sit on the floor of the ship while they decided which they wanted to keep, and which they wanted to watch get fed to the giant squid. They cackled gleefully causing several first years to back up against the walls of the ship and huddle together in fear.

McGonagall stared in horror at the students on the ship; she really, really, didn't get paid enough to do this. On the other hand, Dumbledore seemed quite unfazed as he watched two of his students hold over half the student body hostage.

Remus and Sirius were currently speaking to each other in hushed tones and gesturing wildly, apparently having an argument over which first years they wanted to keep if any at all.

Finally deciding that something needed to be done to stop the two boys from dumping everyone into the lake, McGonagall shouted up to Sirius and Remus. "Sirius Black, Remus Lupin! Release those children immediately."

The two boys gave no indication of having heard her although Remus did take a moment to shout, "ARRRRRGH, A Pirate's life is the life for me."

"Headmaster, you must put a stop to this immediately." McGonagall demanded.

"What ever for?" Dumbledore asked sounding truly puzzled. "You know Geoffrey wouldn't hurt a soul."

"Geoffrey?" McGonagall asked.

"Why, the giant squid of course, he is quite the conversationalist, quite the gossip, really, he knows everything that goes on in this castle, how do you think I keep up on what the students are doing? No one bothers to censor their conversations in front of him. And, can you believe, that no one even says hello to Geoffrey most days? This is probably more excitement then he's had in months. And, he won't harm anyone, maybe just play with them for a few moments and then toss them back."

The professors stared wide-eyed at the Headmaster.

"In fact, fifty points to Gryffindor for contributing to greater school unity and displaying kindness to magical creatures."

The professors now resembled a school of fish as they stood there gaping at the wizard.

"Walb the plab!" (Walk the plank!) Sirius commanded a first year prodding him in the back with his 'sword' (which was really just a stick, but Sirius wasn't picky.) The parrot Sirius had procured from somewhere squawked its agreement.

"Did ye hear the captain?" Remus queried. "Walk the plank, matey…ARRRRRRRRRRGH!"

The looked fearfully over his shoulder at the two Gryffindors.

"SQUAKKKKKKKKKKKK…walk the plank…walk the plank…."

Sirius finally grew bored waiting for the first year to jump overboard and decided that the proper course of action would be to just push him in. And, so, Sirius did just that. The first year landed in the water with a satisfying splash, and Sirius and Remus exchanged a grin before assembling a line of the remaining students and beginning to shove them overboard as well.

The giant squid seemed to find the splashes exciting and took to grabbing hold of the students with his tentacles and waving them around in the air before throwing them toward shore.

It took almost an hour but Sirius and Remus had soon cleared the ship of all but the few they had dubbed worthy to be on their crew, which currently included Lily, James, themselves, and a couple of Slytherins, namely, Snape, Regulus, and several others.

Now that they had gotten rid of those they had no interest in they were dancing around the ship with bottles of butter beer saying things like 'yo, ho, yo, ho a pirate's life is the life for me' and 'argh, me mateeeeeeeeys.'

Several of the professors wanted to go aboard the ship and drag the students back, but Dumbledore wouldn't let them, having decided that if the students wanted to remain on the ship they could, seeing as Sirius and Remus had 'released' aka thrown overboard all those who were being held against their will.

And, so, the professors were forced to head back into the castle where lunch was waiting for them, the house elves having repaired the Great Hall, in time for their return.

A/N Review.


	15. The End

**A/N It occurs to me that when an fanfiction author, such a myself, believes that two months is not too long to go between updates, said author is updating too slow. That being said, this author, is very sorry for the slowness in updates. She is pleased to say however, that she is in fact updating. She would also like to say:**

**Thanks to all reviewers!**

**This will be the last chapter in this story and as such:**

**Dedication: To all my wonderful readers and reviewers who have stuck by this story for the entire year and half or so that it has been ongoing.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, at no point during this story did I manage to acquire the rights to Harry Potter and all affiliated characters, therefore I own nothing.**

James sighed and pushed Lily back slightly when she tried to kiss him. "I can't believe I'm saying this but…" He paused and wondered for a moment why he had to have a conscience. "You're under the effects of a potion, Lily, and I don't want you to do anything or rather anything _else _that you're going to regret later." James said thinking of several things Lily had done throughout their little adventure that she never would have done otherwise.

"I'm not going to regret anything, James." Lily replied calmly ignoring the chaos going on around them as Snape attempted to hug Sirius, who no longer under the effects of the potion, did not find this idea agreeable and was therefore running around the deck of the ship screaming his head off.

"You may think that now but later you're not going to feel the same way." James replied.

"You don't understand, Potter," Lily paused. "I actually came out of the effects of the potion about half an hour ago."

"Huh?" James replied eloquently. Lily chewed on her lower lip for a few moments obviously trying to decide how to continue.

"Well, let's just say I learned something from this experience,"

"What do you mean?" James asked curiously.

"When you started acting all well, mature, and just not like the James I know I realized that there wasn't really anything so bad about the real James. I mean you're obnoxious, and arrogant and stubborn and…"

"Was there supposed to be a compliment in there?" James asked raising an eyebrow.

"Right," Lily said trying to regain the thread of the conversation. "Well, what I'm trying to say is, that I missed the old you, I don't want you to change, I like you just the way you are, well you could stand to be a little nicer to the Slytherins, but you're a good person, and just now when you tried to stop me from doing something _I_ would regret when it was something _you've_ wanted for ages, well I realized that it's not such a bad thing that I've had a crush on you for the past year."

"Wait, you've liked me for the past _year_, and yet you've turned me down every time I ask you out?" James demanded.

"Well, yes." Lily replied. "You were obnoxious and arrogant and I didn't want to like you, but now I've learned something from this, and even though you're still obnoxious and arrogant, I know that you're a good person."

"What does this mean?" James asked.

"I think it means," Lily paused a shy smile spreading across her face. "James Potter would you like to go out with me next Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Yes!" James replied. "Lily said yes!" He shouted in the general direction of his two friends.

"I believe," Remus began. "You'll find that Lily never technically said yes, because she asked you out."

"…"

"Thab's ribht!" (That's right!) Sirius exclaimed. "I knew Liby woulb neber say yeb to youb." (I knew Lily would never say yes to you.)

James scowled at his friends momentarily before responding. "I refuse to let your discussion of semantics ruin the best day of my life."

"Sure, sure." Remus replied easily. "Then let's discuss why the two of you, in a perfectly normal state of mind, found it to be okay to kidnap the entire student body and force them to walk a PLANK?" Remus said his voice getting progressively louder.

"Rebbie, you'be bab to norbal?" (Remmie, you're back to normal?) Sirius asked curiously, seemingly unfazed by his friend's lecture.

"What do you think?" Remus asked sarcastically.

"Welb, you seeb to be abing prebby Rebus libe…" (Well, you seem to be acting pretty Remus-like…) Sirius replied seeming as though he were actually considering whether or not Remus was back to his normal state.

"I was being sarcastic." Remus said with a frown. "Honestly, subtlety is utterly lost on you."

"Whabeber." (Whatever.) Sirius replied.

"So," James ventured. "How are we going to get back to shore?"

"I saib we mab the Slyberins pulb us bab." (I say we make the Slytherins pull the boat back.) Sirius suggested.

"Oh, honestly!" Lily exclaimed. "You're both wizards correct?"

"Well, yeah." James replied.

"Then cast a propelling charm on the boat so that it heads back toward shore." She replied.

"Oh," James responded eloquently. "Well, it's certainly less messy then our other plan." He said before pulling out his wand and doing as Lily suggested. "So, do you think Minnie is going to be terribly upset with us?"

"She's going to murder us, we're doomed, doomed, and worse we're going to get expelled." Remus responded as the reality of what had just occurred set in.

"_We're_ not doomed," James replied. "_You're_ doomed. Sirius and I are on the Quidditch team, Minnie needs us."

"Thanks James that was so comforting." Remus replied.

"It'll be okay," Lily muttered more to herself then anyone else. "I'll claim temporary insanity, and she'll forgive me, she has to, I can't be expelled. I might as well be dead."

"Er," James started. "Don't you think that's a bit extreme, dear?"

"No!" Lily snapped. "In fact I would rather be dead then expelled."

"Don't worry about it," James replied attempting to reassure her. "You're one of Minnie's favorites, and old Sluggy positively adores you, and Dumbles probably thinks this whole thing is a great bonding experience for the school."

"Well, when you put it like that…" Lily trailed off.

"Don't worry about it, everything will be fine." James repeated reassuringly.

**-I am a line-**

"It appears that they're coming back to shore." Dumbledore observed calmly.

"Do they seem to be acting normally?" McGonagall demanded.

"From what I can see they appear to be conversing calmly." Dumbledore replied. "Look, they've reached shore!" With that he strode over to the pirate ship to meet the few students left on board.

"Are Potter and Miss Evans holding hands?" Slughorn asked his colleague incredulously.

"I think so." McGonagall replied. "Miss Evans must still be under the effects of the potion," The transfiguration mistress decided.

"Of course, that must be it." Slughorn replied.

"Minerva, Horace, I have splendid news." Dumbledore called from where he was standing a few feet from the lake talking with the students who had disembarked namely: James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, Snape, Regulus, and several others.

"What, Headmaster?" McGonagall asked warily heading toward the headmaster.

"Young Miss Evans and Mister Lupin have returned to normal,"

"Then why is Miss Evans holding hands with Mister Potter."

"Haben't you hearb, Mibbie, Liby abed Jabes out, ab he sab yeb?" (Haven't you heard, Minnie, Lily asked James out and he said yes?) Sirius asked.

"She did?" McGonagall asked before deciding that it was irrelevant. "You sound terrible Black, come with me, Madame Promfrey will fix you up in no time and you'll be fine for Quidditch, that is," She paused. "Assuming your players will be up to it?" She asked Slughorn looking pointedly at Regulas who was conversing with Dumbledore about house unity.

"Of course they will," Slughorn replied. "Probably." He added under his breath.

"Well, then, come along, Black." McGonagall said grabbing Sirius by the back of his robes as he attempted to inch away.

"I dob't wabba." (I don't wanna.) Sirius replied stubbornly.

"I don't care whether you 'want to,' Black." McGonagall replied dragging Sirius toward the castle.

"Rebus, Jabes! Helb be!" (Remus, James! Help me!) Sirius yelled frantically as he was dragged toward the castle.

"Sorry, mate, Minnie promised you would be okay in time for Quidditch which means that going to the hospital wing can only insure you're in top condition for the match." James replied. "Besides, Lily and I are going to go have dinner together and discuss where we are going to go on our date."

"Rebus?" (Remus?) Sirius asked.

"I've thought you should go to the hospital wing the entire time." Remus replied. "But we'll come visit you after dinner."

"Wab, she'b gobing to mab be stab ober nibht?" (Wait, she's going to make me stay over night?) Sirius asked frantically.

"Probably," McGonagall replied. "Now, let's go, Black."

-Epilogue-

"Go, go, Gryffindor." The crowd shouted. The match was going overwhelmingly in favor of the Gryffindors, as the Slytherins refused to resort to their normal tactics AKA cheating. The majority of the potion's effects had worn off them but enough remained that the Slytherin team refused to employ dirty tactics against their Gryffindor counterpart, making it a match solely based on skill.

Because of this the Gryffindors won the match in record time. To say that McGonagall was pleased would be an understatement, she was absolutely giddy. Gryffindor's victory put them one winning match away from winning the Quidditch cup. She did so love having it in her office after all.

**A/N Alas, it is over. I will miss writing this story terribly. Please, review this last chapter.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers throughout the story:**

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